What Can We Expect on September 11th?
By Dr. Batya L. Ludman
Jerusalem----September
2002......Almost a year has passed since many of us who thought we had
seen it all were jolted into a new reality of the effects of terrorism.
Since the start of the latest Intifada, most of us have coped incredibly
well although many professionals would acknowledge that we all walk around
with some symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In light of what
we have been through, and considering that it is still ongoing, one would
think that this is inevitable.
As the world prepares for the anniversary of 9-11, what feelings can we
expect to have and what is normal?
We Israelis from English
speaking countries are a tough group.
Nothing however, could have prepared us for what we have been through
and in our wildest dreams, our imagination could not have taken us to
the depths of the horrendous acts of terror we have unfortunately witnessed
both with 9-11 and here in Israel. Our world as we have known it-with
our beliefs, values, morals and life assumptions, has been challenged
in every way imaginable. Our lives have been forever changed, our innocence
lost and our morale, threatened to the very core. We are keenly aware
that our safety is not guaranteed, in any place or at any time, something
never given a second thought previously.
The anniversary of
a significant loss brings up many emotions. A year has gone by and during
that time, there have been many changes, much reorganization and a tremendous
shifting of feelings as one attempts to integrate the loss and in some
way begin to move on. Whether one has lost someone very precious in a
terror attack here in Israel or one simply acknowledges that the skyline
in lower Manhattan will be forever changed, few are left unaffected.
As the anniversary approaches many are filled with trepidation as they
once again relive "that" horrific event. The countdown might
start days or hours ahead of the event and one finds oneself recalling
the specifics of what one was doing when…until or after the dreaded
hour arrives and one escapes unharmed.
There is often increased anxiety and depending on how close one was to
the person or event, there may be an upsurge in some symptoms that signaled
distress a year before. One may see physical symptoms such as sleep problems,
heightened sensitivity to noise and perhaps some jumpiness. Some people
have headaches or have a more rapid pulse. It is not at all uncommon to
have flashbacks to the previous or other similar event, experience strong
visually intrusive images, and have difficulty focusing, concentrating
and remembering details.
Israeli terror victims
- for those who have survived
must now adjust to the effects of trauma.
People may find themselves
once again glued to the television to see a recap of previous distressing
events and find that for a time they feel "out of sorts and out of
control". Sadness, anger, fear, frustration and feeling overwhelmed
may be present to varying degrees.
We might even catch ourselves asking "what if…" and in
some instances, decide consciously or unconsciously to be together with
loved ones or at least in telephone contact. There may be an informal
checking in with others in an attempt to acknowledge what was and what
now is and to reaffirm relationships that hold significance. After the
anniversary of the event has passed and assuming that nothing happens,
one may be surprised to discover that they experience a real sense of
relief that history has not repeated itself.
From a psychological perspective, it is a lot easier to convince ourselves
that life can have some semblance of normality with just one isolated
event. A second horrific event in the same place, such as we have often
witnessed here, may lead to superstitious and avoidant behaviors in order
for us to cope.
It's important to
talk, discuss your feelings.
Exercise, maintaining good health and focusing on family and work
are the essential keys to adjustment and growth.
While unpleasant,
these symptoms are fairly common. After all, we are responding in a very
normal way to a very abnormal event. As psychologically healthy individuals,
we are left trying to make sense out of, and process, a situation that
makes no sense, regardless of how hard one tries to come up with a reasonable
explanation. People respond differently with some being deeply impacted
and others feeling almost nothing.
For many living in Israel, September 11th will be little more than a reminder
of how our world has changed and how others have become aware of the trauma
of terrorism that we face on a daily basis. One's temperament, how they
were affected, their previous cumulative history of involvement with other
catastrophic events and the closeness they felt to this situation, will
in part determine how they will react one year later, to a traumatic event.
What
can we do if we are feeling stressed about what has gone on?
For starters, it helps to realize that while we feel that we may not be
able to control the events, we certainly can control how we cope with
them. This may be a time when we find ourselves retelling our own stories,
over and over again, in an endeavor to make some sense out of the situation
a year later and find some meaning in what has happened. Discussion of
our thoughts of 9-11 and the ongoing events here, give us an opportunity
to reflect on what is, and was, the most difficult thing for us personally,
help in the healing process and enable us to continue to move on. Whether
we talk with friends and family, here or abroad, personally or through
e-mail, it is important to find someone in whom to confide.
Children also need to be able to discuss their ongoing worries and fears
and have their concerns validated. As time goes on, while some adapt to
the everyday pattern of violence, others may revisit each situation with
a fresh look. It cannot be taken for granted that just because they do
not discuss the current matzav that they are okay. We need to ask, check
and recheck with them. Many children have stood by while adults busied
themselves watching very distressing events on television. These events
often get replayed over and over and it is not uncommon for children to
think that each replay is a separate incident. Their world seems much
less secure in spite of the increased presence of security guards and
police. Many children that I have seen in my practice are just now showing
signs of fear and concern whereas the adults I see have talked about it
for months. We can use this difficult time as an opportunity to teach
our children about trust and kindness while fully acknowledging their
fears and insecurities in a way that helps them to move on and feel strong
and proud.
One
of the best things we can do for our self is to look after our health.
In times of stress we tend to neglect our bodies. Now more than ever,
as we are in it for the long haul, it is important to de-stress and celebrate
life as best as we can. It helps to eat well, get plenty of sleep and
exercise, avoid drugs, caffeine and alcohol. This really does improve
our ability to cope. Meditation, relaxation, writing and prayer all can
help reduce stress and anxiety.
It
is important to take time to revisit and reflect.
We can go back and read some personal stories, talk about our own, make
a scrapbook, commemorate or memorialize the event in a meaningful way
either alone or as a family. Plant a tree, give money to a charity, donate
blood, write cards or make a batch of cookies for our chayalim or families
of terror victims. A little patriotism right now can go a long way.
Plan
your day and give yourself a focus and a purpose.
In these difficult times, it still helps to meet your friends for coffee,
even if it is at someone's home. You can make your list of what needs
to be accomplished and achieve control in small ways. A much-deserved
break, relaxing in a hot bath, renting a good comedy with the children
or reading a good book can transform us to another place and time without
us ever having to leave home.
If you are not coping well, seek qualified professional help from someone trained in grief, bereavement and trauma. Sometimes just getting through the day may feel like too much when there are such basic issues as safety and trust, at stake, on top of coping with the loss of something or someone very special.
Pat
yourself on the back for coping as well as you have over the past few
years.
Our day-to-day life has moments that are very difficult and some days
just taking things one step at a time is the best one can do. There are
many unanswered questions and putting meaning back into our lives often
takes a lot more time than we think.
As we enter the New
Year, let us hope and pray that this time can provide us with tremendous
opportunity to reflect on what is truly important.
Now, this moment, is a gift of time and we have been given an important
opportunity to hold those we care about a little bit closer and let them
know just how very much we love them.
May we all be blessed with good health and long lasting peace.
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Dr.
Batya L. Ludman is a licensed clinical psychologist in Ra'anana and a
specialist in trauma, grief and bereavement. She was involved in providing
counseling to various groups and individuals after 9-11.
Her web site is http://go.to/drbatyaludman
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