Santa Claus Christmas Flotilla Attacked by Hamas, Hezbollah Rockets, Now Escorted by Israel Jets

Santa Claus runs for cover as Hamas fires rockets at his sled.

By Joel Leyden
Israel News Agency

Bethlehem, Israel --- December 24, 2012 ... Early this evening, Santa Claus and his team of nine reindeer were tracked by the Israel Defense Forces as they entered Israeli air space. As they crossed from the north over Lebanon, Santa's Christmas peace flotilla, was attacked by Hezbollah rockets. Minutes later as they approached Jerusalem, Hamas fired a series of rockets at the red and white sleigh.

Santa made an emergency request for a security escort and within minutes, 12 IAF F-16's were scrambled and seen over Bethlehem and Nazareth in a star shaped formation escorting Father Christmas.

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Israel President Shimon Peres invited Mr. Claus to join them for a holiday dinner at the Tel Nof Airbase. Repairs were made to the sled and Santa's reindeer Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, were treated to fresh hay and warm milk.

"As Christians, we seek peace on earth - we never expected to be fired upon," said Santa spokesperson Norman Pole.

"We realize that the situation is tense in the Middle East, but never expected Hamas or Hezbollah to attack us as we delivered Christmas gifts to the children of Arab Christians in the area. We knew all along that they view us and our Jewish friends as "infidels" but thought that was only more rhetoric coming out of Iran."

A Hamas spokesperson in Gaza confirmed the attack.

"There is no Santa Claus. We know that is the Mossad in red and white camouflage We are no fools. We will destroy all of the Zionist entity and their Christian infidels."

"We find it very disappointing that a few extremists Muslims must embarrass the worldwide Muslim community who also desire peace," said Mr. Pole. "We will not bow to Islamic terrorism and will continue delivering gifts in the Middle East and spreading Christmas cheer."

Mr. Pole said that Santa Claus would send an official complaint to the UN but did not expect any kind of effective response.

When asked what was the greatest challenge that Santa faced in Israel, Jordan, Egypt, Syria and Lebanon, Pole responded: "It was not really Hamas, Islamic Jihad or Hezbollah, but rather the lack of fireplaces for Santa to come down into. So we had no choice but to knock on many doors and left packages under the Christmas trees. We made sure that no package was left unattended as elves volunteered to stay behind and make sure that it was a safe Christmas."

Santa's spokesperson also remarked that it was difficult for Santa to lose any weight given the quality of houmous, shwarma and falafel that he was offered with his eggnog.

Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told Santa and all Christians around the world: "As Christians around the world and in Israel prepare to celebrate Christmas, I want to wish you all the merriest of holidays.

Today, Christian communities throughout the Middle East are shrinking, and many of them are endangered. This is, of course, not true in Israel. Here there is a strong and growing Christian community that participates fully in the life of our country. Israel is proud of its record of religious tolerance and pluralism, and Israel will continue to protect freedom of religion for all. And Israel will continue to safeguard places of Christian worship throughout our country. We will not tolerate any acts of violence or discrimination against any place of worship. This is not our way, and this is something Israel cannot accept.

So as you celebrate Christmas and your holy holidays, we hope that you will recall the places where Judaism and Christianity emerged, and then come see our ancient land with your own eyes: Visit Nazareth and Bethlehem, wade into the Jordan River, stand on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. And next year, come visit Israel's eternal capital, Jerusalem. Happy holidays to all of you. May you all be blessed with a year of security, prosperity and peace."

This has been a record year for tourism to Israel with over 3.5 million visitors, 4% more than in 2011. Tourists (not including day visitors) account for 2.9 million entries, 2% more than in 2011.

On another serious note, Christian merchants and pilgrims have been intimated by Muslim ruled Bethlehem with city officials requesting that Christmas decorations be taken down. Tonight one billboard is still up, lit now by portable lights from the back of a car.

In spite of public exposure on YouTube, radio, television and in written press, other Christian organizations in Bethlehem have reacted with resounding silence. So too Christian organizations throughout Israel.

Pastor Khoury has no regrets. "Scripture says that if we do not speak up for Jesus, for who he is and what he has done, stones will cry out. With God's help, I will not remain silent. I will not be a quiet one rebuked by shouting rocks."

Santa Claus and his reindeer were last seen flying over the Tel Aviv beach headed towards Europe as Israeli IAF pilots gave the white haired, Christmas legend a thumbs up.

The above satire did not include the real remarks of PM Netanyahu, Pastor Khoury, the sad situation in Bethlehem and the Israel News Agency in wishing all of our Christian readers a most happy and joyous Christmas. One filled with family, love and peace for all.


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working with both the Israel Defense Forces and the US Army in Haiti.

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