Santa
Claus Christmas Flotilla Attacked by Hamas, Hezbollah Rockets,
Now Escorted by Israel Jets
Santa
Claus runs for cover as Hamas fires rockets at his sled.
By
Joel Leyden
Israel News Agency
Bethlehem,
Israel --- December 24, 2012 ... Early this evening, Santa Claus
and his team of nine reindeer were tracked by the Israel Defense
Forces as they entered Israeli air space. As they crossed from
the north over Lebanon, Santa's Christmas peace flotilla, was
attacked by Hezbollah rockets. Minutes later as they approached
Jerusalem, Hamas fired a series of rockets at the red and white
sleigh.
Santa made
an emergency request for a security escort and within minutes,
12 IAF F-16's were scrambled and seen over Bethlehem and Nazareth
in a star shaped formation escorting Father Christmas.
Israel Prime
Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Israel President Shimon Peres
invited Mr. Claus to join them for a holiday dinner at the Tel
Nof Airbase. Repairs were made to the sled and Santa's reindeer
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, were treated to fresh hay
and warm milk.
"As Christians,
we seek peace on earth - we never expected to be fired upon,"
said Santa spokesperson Norman Pole.
"We realize
that the situation is tense in the Middle East, but never expected
Hamas or Hezbollah to attack us as we delivered Christmas gifts
to the children of Arab Christians in the area. We knew all along
that they view us and our Jewish friends as "infidels"
but thought that was only more rhetoric coming out of Iran."
A Hamas spokesperson
in Gaza confirmed the attack.
"There
is no Santa Claus. We know that is the Mossad in red and white
camouflage We are no fools. We will destroy all of the Zionist
entity and their Christian infidels."
"We find
it very disappointing that a few extremists Muslims must embarrass
the worldwide Muslim community who also desire peace," said
Mr. Pole. "We will not bow to Islamic terrorism and will
continue delivering gifts in the Middle East and spreading Christmas
cheer."
Mr. Pole said
that Santa Claus would send an official complaint to the UN but
did not expect any kind of effective response.
When asked
what was the greatest challenge that Santa faced in Israel, Jordan,
Egypt, Syria and Lebanon, Pole responded: "It was not really
Hamas, Islamic Jihad or Hezbollah, but rather the lack of fireplaces
for Santa to come down into. So we had no choice but to knock
on many doors and left packages under the Christmas trees. We
made sure that no package was left unattended as elves volunteered
to stay behind and make sure that it was a safe Christmas."
Santa's spokesperson
also remarked that it was difficult for Santa to lose any weight
given the quality of houmous, shwarma and falafel that he was
offered with his eggnog.
Israel Prime
Minister Benjamin Netanyahu told Santa and all Christians around
the world: "As Christians around the world and in Israel
prepare to celebrate Christmas, I want to wish you all the merriest
of holidays.
Today, Christian
communities throughout the Middle East are shrinking, and many
of them are endangered. This is, of course, not true in Israel.
Here there is a strong and growing Christian community that participates
fully in the life of our country. Israel is proud of its record
of religious tolerance and pluralism, and Israel will continue
to protect freedom of religion for all. And Israel will continue
to safeguard places of Christian worship throughout our country.
We will not tolerate any acts of violence or discrimination against
any place of worship. This is not our way, and this is something
Israel cannot accept.
So as you
celebrate Christmas and your holy holidays, we hope that you will
recall the places where Judaism and Christianity emerged, and
then come see our ancient land with your own eyes: Visit Nazareth
and Bethlehem, wade into the Jordan River, stand on the shores
of the Sea of Galilee. And next year, come visit Israel's eternal
capital, Jerusalem. Happy holidays to all of you. May you all
be blessed with a year of security, prosperity and peace."
This has been
a record year for tourism to Israel with over 3.5 million visitors,
4% more than in 2011. Tourists (not including day visitors) account
for 2.9 million entries, 2% more than in 2011.
On another
serious note, Christian
merchants and pilgrims have been intimated by Muslim ruled
Bethlehem with city officials requesting that Christmas decorations
be taken down. Tonight one billboard is still up, lit now by portable
lights from the back of a car.
In spite of
public exposure on YouTube, radio, television and in written press,
other Christian organizations in Bethlehem have reacted with resounding
silence. So too Christian organizations throughout Israel.
Pastor Khoury
has no regrets. "Scripture says that if we do not speak up
for Jesus, for who he is and what he has done, stones will cry
out. With God's help, I will not remain silent. I will not be
a quiet one rebuked by shouting rocks."
Santa Claus
and his reindeer were last seen flying over the Tel Aviv beach
headed towards Europe as Israeli IAF pilots gave the white haired,
Christmas legend a thumbs up.
The above
satire did not include the real remarks of PM Netanyahu, Pastor
Khoury, the sad
situation in Bethlehem and the Israel News Agency in
wishing all of our Christian readers a most happy and joyous Christmas.
One filled with family, love and peace for all.
Israel:
Canada An Example To Global Democracy In Cutting Diplomatic Ties
With Iran
Joel Leyden,
journalist, media consultant, social media and SEO pioneer
working with both the Israel Defense Forces and the US Army in
Haiti.
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