Jerusalem, Israel --- August 18, 2012 ... Recently, the Palestinian Delegation to the US posted a job wanted position on the Internet for a PR professional. For the sake of clarity, the Israel News Agency is reposting this employment opportunity for prospective candidates detailing the requirements that you will need to land this job.

Job opportunity: "media and communications director" really means chief of propaganda. Being able to illustrate hunger and apartheid where is does not exist. That this position will come with a variety of perks such as free cruises (we will call them flotillas) to the Mediterranean.

The position is posted by The General Delegation of the PLO to the United States, Washington D.C. in the Metro Area. This really means J Street.

The job description is as follows:

The General Delegation of the PLO to the United States, the Palestinian diplomatic mission in Washington is looking to fill an opening for a Media and Communications Director starting in June 2012. This really means that the last person to hold this position has run out of Tums and is presently hospitalized. The pressure of this job does not come from the Israelis or the West but rather from the Palestinians where you will have about a dozen "supervisors" from PA President Mahmoud Abbas and Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Suha Arafat and Barack Obama.

The Media and Communications Director is a senior position and plays an integral role in pursuing the General Delegation’s strategic goals. This really means you must be under 25, take instructions without questioning and understand that the "strategic goals" is the complete destruction of the State of Israel.

The position requires a candidate with experience and background in message development, social media initiatives, branding, awareness campaigns, and strong media placement strategies. What they don't say here is that you will also need to know how to hack computers and use pigeons for getting the messages out. But most important, you must know how to use Photoshop.

It entails running all aspects of the Media and Communications Department including preparing Op-Eds, media interviews and press releases for the Delegation and for the Ambassador. Work also entails managing the work of the Media Officer to ensure timeliness and quality of material produced.

Primary responsibilities are to develop a media strategy to highlight Palestinian culture as well as its political platform. We know that this is challenging since there is no Palestinian culture, that you will be continuing a myth started by Yassar Arafat back in 1967, but you can say that we love houmous, bus bombings, stone throwing contests and weapons smuggling. Yes, you must keep repeating that we want peace and not occupation. If you do not mention these two words on a daily basis, this would be reason for termination.

You will need to offer media consultation to the Palestine Delegation. Make sure that they are wearing ties, not beating their wives and not picking their noses in front of the cameras.

You need to survey local and international media for news relevant to the delegation’s work or otherwise requiring its attention. This is not difficult. Whenever you find something positive that Israel has done for Israeli Arabs, the people of Sudan or Haiti, tell the public that Israel is handing out poison to children and stealing human organs.

Produce regular media statements and press releases from the Delegation directed to Palestinian media, the Palestinian-American community, and the US public at large. Remember that we have two messages here. For the Palestinian media, we speak only of Jihad, for the US public, we want peace, not occupation.

Facilitate meetings and sessions between the Ambassador and members of the Arab and Foreign media in the US. Remember that before these meetings you want to remind the delegation members to shower and use antiperspirant. Do not bring pita, shwarma or kabab in their pockets as there will be food served at these meetings.

Cultivate and improve relationships with media outlets in service of expanding the Delegations outreach and messaging. You need to be able to express yourself with tears flowing. Constant use of photoshopped pictures and if this fails, we have money for you to give out for their children's birthdays.

Coordinate and organize press conferences. Tell AP, Reuters and AFP that you will have starved children from Gaza waiting to speak to them.

Assist the Ambassador in his visits around the country by setting up interviews and preparing talking points. You must constantly remind the Ambassador not to throw his shoes at someone when he gets upset.

Oversee the PLO Delegation’s Website and make sure that you speall correctly. When referring to Jews, we do not special it as Juice.

Special working conditions - due to the timely nature of some of these responsibilities, availability via mobile phone and email beyond regular work hours is occasionally required. This is also due to time-zone differences between places of interest. Also, when in the presence of suicide bombers, please turn off your mobile phone as certain radio frequencies may prematurely set off explosives.

Qualifications consist of a successful candidate who will possess the following skills, qualifications and attributes: Bachelor’s Degree required, Masters preferred. High quality photoshopped degrees will be accepted.

A minimum of five years of experience in the media field - or selling cars.

Strong proofreading and writing skills. Remember - it is Jews, not Juice.

In depth knowledge of Palestine and the Middle East. No need to worry on this one. Just go back to 1967. But please remember to always state that Jerusalem is the historic capital of Palestine. That David was a Palestinian. When confronted on these facts, just tell reporters that you will get back to them. Always use the BBC as a reference.

Demonstrated ability to interpret and communicate findings to technical and non-technical audiences. Not everyone knows how to build bombs.
High energy, strong interpersonal skills, and comfort working with various types of constituents. Must be able to run very fast from Israeli soldiers in the West Bank after provoking them with stones, rifle fire and Molotov Cocktails.

Excellent organization, administrative and managerial skills. If we ask you to get a news release out today, you can do it within 24 hours. The Juice do the same.

Facility in mentoring junior staff and developing their skills. Please be sure that all 4-9 year-olds do not chew on the news releases.

The ability to work both as a part of a team and independently as needed. You will need to coordinate with about 40 other Arab states and the UN.

Capacity to maintain poise and work effectively under extreme pressure. Do not cry when confronted with the real facts.
Always incite hatred against Israel and global Zionists.
Arabic fluency is a plus. Knowledge of English is not required. Use subtitles.

To apply, please send the following materials to nfarsakh@plodelegation.us

Cover letter indicating your interest and specific qualification for this position, your resume, a sample 700-800 word essay on a topic of your choice, pertaining to Palestine, Israel, occupation and Apartheid. Two references from non-Jews.

No phone calls or bomb threats, please.

ISRAEL NEWS AGENCY

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