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Jewish Speed Dating Queen Expands London, New York, Paris, Israel Events
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Gayla Goodman Tel Aviv, Israel ---- October 17, 2009 ..... Speed dating, a highly popular, formalized dating system whose purpose is to encourage people to meet a large number of new people traces its origins to Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah. The Rabbi has said it was originally created as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. Today, Michal Matityahu, a native of Tel Aviv is ensuring that Rabbi Deyo work is carried on and expanded. "I saw
a need to bring Jewish singles together,” Matityahu told
the Israel News Agency. Matityahu has been working professionally in speed dating since 2003. In that time Matityahu, who has offices in New York, London, Manchester and Tel Aviv, has been responsible for over 50 marriages and thousands of dates. Matityahu says that speed dating which she describes as a "fun night" is rapidly growing and unique in that it's not a “meat market”, not in a contrived way. Events are held in an up market, intimate venues and are held in a relaxed, classy and respectful atmosphere. Speed dating entails where men and women are rotated to meet each other over a series of short "dates", usually lasting from 3 to 8 minutes depending on the organization running the event. At the end of each interval, the organizer rings a bell or clinks a glass to signal the participants to move on to the next date. At the end of the event participants submit to the organizers a list of who they would like to provide their contact information to. If there is a match, contact information is forwarded to both parties. Contact information cannot be traded during the initial meeting, in order to reduce pressure to accept or reject a suitor to his or her face. “The ideal number to have at an event is about 30 people,” says Matityahu. “And making sure the female and male ratio is equal. It's important that people feel comfortable in what could be a life-changing event.” In Michal's experience, speed dating events tend to be noisy and crowded, often without a sense of intimacy. She was keen to make her events different. One way is that she assures this it to limit the participants to 20-30 at any one evening. Each speed dating event is geared towards specific age groups and those group will range from 20 to 60 years. In Israel where everyone is Jewish, she makes different speed dating events for religious Conservative (traditional Jews), vegetarians, pet lovers and different spiritual backgrounds. In New York, she was recently approached by the Jewish Community Center - JCC in Manhattan and is now planning a November 12th speed dating event for Russian speaking Jewish Americans.
Born in Tel Aviv, Matityahu studied at the Beit Zvi acting school, spent 7 years in Haifa Theatre as an actress in many productions. She also served as an acting teacher in Norway, Italy, England and Israel. Although her mother tongue is Hebrew, she is also fluent in English and French. Matityahu also served in the Israel Air Force where she learned much of her team work. This versatile speed dating queen writes music and has played the piano from the age of six. Matityahu loves pop ambient soft rock. She has produced 2 singles - The Dearest Love and Alive. She has also studied and directed in London at the Fringe Theatre. Matityahu is also responsible for Jewish Matches – a one on one introduction service in London established in 2006. She sees possible matches and suggests suitable matches. All of the speed dating events that Matityahu coordinates are secular. Matityahu activities with singles are highly diverse. They also include creating singles holidays for Jews from England. The next vacation will take place departing from England to Eilat, Israel. This Jewish singles holiday is being sponsored in cooperation with Sabra Travel in London and Isrotel. The holiday talks place this December. Information can be found at JHoliday.co.uk This singles holiday was custom made for Jewish men and women from England, France, and Israel. As Matityahu jumps from continent to continent, she observes several cultural distinctions in speed dating. The Jewish speed dating queen states that New York is not London and London is definitely not Tel Aviv. "These
cultures are very different and so are the means of communication
and values that one brings to the date. For example, privacy is
very important in London, less in New York. Persistence is seen
as an asset in Israel where the man proves that he is serious,
in London that same innocent and loving persistence could wind
up in a police harassment charge." In London, the dating scene and how one communicates is far more conservative. It took Matityahu much more time to develop speed dating in London. And as the UK Jewish community is relatively small, most of the speed dating events pass by word of mouth. But one can still find ads placed in the Jewish Chronicle, Jewish Telegraph and the JewPro web site. “The English may be a bit scared and apprehensive before the speed dating event, but come out of it communicative and happy. They feel more relaxed and happy. Even if they didn't find the person of their dreams, they've gone through an experience, and met new people, communicating with them in an intimate and relaxed way,” says Matityahu. “Israel is about 1-2 years behind New York and London when it relates to dating, fashion and or cultural trends,” says Matityahu. “Feng Shui took about 24 months to arrive on the sands of Tel Aviv after it first appeared in London.” “When I first tried to start something in Israel, no one knew about it. Speed dating took quite a while. I had to explain to everyone what speed dating was before they would even consider it. They didn't have a clue as to what it was and how it works.” Matityahu
says that wine and mixed drinks help people to relax at her speed
dating events. That it is not so much of having a glass of Merlot,
beer or vodka cocktails as it is having something to hold in your
hand and place to your mouth. "Oral fixations always reduce
anxiety, for that reason we have cocktail parties. Most are not
hungry, but eating or drinking something calms the spirit,”
says Matityahu. What tips would Matityahu give to Jewish women and men going into speed dating? "As for dress, be more casual, but wear what you feel attractive in," says Matityahu. "Smart casual. Can be jeans and a nice top, a nice dress. Come with an open mind. Even if you didn't meet the man or woman of your dreams, maybe you met someone that you can be friends with. When you go on-line afterwards, you can either choose a date or a friend. You want to enlarge your circle of friends. Come out and meet new people." "Men should be especially well-groomed and look like they respect themselves," says Matityahu. "Funny thing is that sometimes women come and end up also meeting good female friends too which is great." Additional tips for Jewish speed dating include: listen and speak equally. Don't let the other one speak the whole time. Don't mention old baggage, relationships. Keep it light. Be creative. People might get bored, avoid asking the same questions each time like: what do you do, where do you live, how old are you. Learn about the person, gather information by talking about other things and listening to their body language. Who are more selective, men or women? "Women" says Matityahu. This follows much documented dating research which illustrates that women seek quality for protection of family as men biologically are programmed to seek quantity to keep the species alive. “People who attend these events are really interested in meeting a serious partner,” says Matityahu. “These events have an excellent reputation for meeting other like-minded individuals who are looking for long-term relationships.” "In addition to our speed dating events, we have created a new Website named BeetleJooz.com that we're now working on to put together Jewish people from around the world in various ways." Matityahu says that in speed dating it takes around 30 seconds for a first impression to be made. The 6 minutes which follow only serve to reinforce those feelings. It’s a good way of deciding whether you want to meet this person again for a whole evening. Before and after the speed dating event there is a break. The break also serves to connect with those whose first impression was positive. A 2005 study at the University of Pennsylvania of multiple speed dating events found that most people made their choices within the first three seconds of meeting. Furthermore, issues such as religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits were found to play much less of a role than expected. A 2006 study in Edinburgh, Scotland showed that 45% of the women participants in a speed-dating event and 22% of the men had come to a decision within the first 30 seconds. It also found that dialogue concerning travel resulted in more matches than dialogue about films. Matityahu has and continues to coach people on effective dating tactics through the use of acting basics. She provides the following tips for women who are about to enter a speed dating event: be open – do not use body arm blocks (crossing your arms against your chest), show and touch their hair, make prolonged eye contact, never look down, be approachable, be perfumed and most importantly – smile. For men – do not be rude. Do not use any suggestive remarks on the first date, be a respectful gentleman, well groomed and show interest in the women's mind. "When the men lean forward it shows that they pay attention to the women, says Matityahu. "When a man listens well it means that he can show attention to details, even in her clothes." For both sexes on the first speed date - don't talk politics. Don't remark on the last date you encountered on a speed date. Good topics – music, travel, movies and food. Matityahu says if you have passion about something, show it. Clothing labels and brands are not important. Judge the person by their personality, intelligence and ability to share. Use their name, nothing is more important to a person. Like in an acting audition, be original. You want to be remembered. Bring something new, fun and interesting to the table – such as an event or exhibition that you have recently enjoyed – have an anchor. Matityahu says that people have dated immediately after the first speed date. "A few always decide to leave together and have a drink on their own at a nearby restaurant or pub. Perhaps even go for a walk by the river or the on the beach." As for online dating sites such as JDate , Matityahu says that people can spend months chatting just on the basis of a photo. It's not realistic, she says. "In speed dating, there is no time wasting. What you see is what you can be getting." Matityahu says that the greatest assets about speed dating are that people meet in safe and supervised environment. She adds that smoking is not allowed in any of her speed dating events. Matityahu's speed dating events in London, Manchester UK occur twice a week on Thursdays and Sundays. In New York, her Jewish speed dating events are held every Sunday and two Wednesdays a month. In Tel Aviv
speed dating events take place every Tuesday. Matityahu also uses Web 2.0, social networking sites such as Blogger, Facebook and Twitter to coordinate Jewish speed dating events: thespeeddating.blogspot.com and twitter.com/Jewishspeeddate. Matityahu's Jewish speed dating events business expansion plans includes franchises in Jerusalem, Haifa, Leeds, Miami, Los Angeles, San Diego, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Brooklyn, New Jersey, Hamptons. Washington DC, Phoenix, Toronto, Montreal and Paris. Matityahu,
who sees a bright and productive future for Jewish speed dating,
concludes: "Each heart has its own key. Use a warm smile
and friendly eye contact to find it." Joel Leyden contributed to the above news story.
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