The Trauma Of Disengagement - Divorced Dads, Child Custody in Israel

By Fathers4Justice Israel member
Israel News Agency

Jerusalem----August 14...... In the hours to come, thousands of Israelis will be forced to leave their homes in Gaza. Whether you are for or against the Disengagement Plan in Israel - it's going to happen and many tears will be shed. But there is another "disengagement" going on in Israel every day. Not by Zionists being removed from their biblical land, but rather by fathers being torn away from their children.

I was evicted from my home in Israel. I can understand what many will experience in Gaza, in Israel as they are pulled out of their living rooms, bedrooms and playrooms where they spent so much time hearing their children laugh, sing and watching them dance. Fathers are evicted from their homes in Israel every day based on false charges of violence or sexual harassment to their wives.

Yes - one can actually be thrown out on the street by the Israel police if one's wife merely accuses their husband of touching them. Being thrown out on the street without clothes, without a good-bye to their kids, without a court hearing, without basic due process!

I was evicted from my home.

Yes, I had been given notice by a court in Israel, the same as those in Gaza, but like those in Gaza prayed that "normalcy" would prevail and that one would not be torn from all that they had known, the security, safety and warmth of their family home. The denial of disengagement is a normal defense mechanism.

It's keeping a positive attitude while using some of the psychological tactics of behavior modification to change reality.

One can ask: "why did you wait till the last minute if you knew you were going to be evicted?" The answer in my particular case was a negligent divorce attorney who ignored all family court hearings regarding eviction and child custody. I do blame this divorce and custody attorney and he will be sued - big time.
But more than the attorney's negligence - an angry, disturbed, narcissistic mother who cared not for her child, but only for what she felt that she needed. A divorce. Rather than electing marriage counseling, she chose eviction and a broken home for our child. No brothers, no sisters, no dad.
Only what she wanted for herself. Not to be alone. To have a child to comfort her when she came home.

A child to sleep in her bed. The same child who slept in mom's and dad's bed since he was born. A physical and emotional barrier for which I can refer to as the "cold and frigid wall." Yet, this mother accuses me of "emotional abuse."

I was used like a sperm bank. A social worker confirmed this to me saying that my ex had thoughts of divorce immediately after giving birth. That is normal. It's called post natal blues. What is not normal is that she was never treated for it. That her family actually served as cheerleaders in breaking up our home.
And today like any kind of bank, an ATM paying out child support for a child I only see twice a week for a few hours of what they call "visitation". As if I was having coffee with a friend.

Hours before my eviction took place, I met another family divorce attorney who told me not to wait, to take all of my valuables and a suitcase of clothes and move into a hotel or rented apartment. I took her advice. Two days later, an hour after the eviction notice took place, I returned to my home in a northern suburb of Tel Aviv, Israel to pick-up my bicycle.

What I found was a huge white truck with movers packing it with brown cardboard boxes. With a closer look, I realized that all of my life's possessions were now being packed by one team in my home while another team of movers were placing all that was mine into a truck. I asked one of the movers why they were doing this. He replied that they had "emergency orders" to remove my belongings.

My ex-wife has a brother-in law who is a professional money collector and his father is a judge in Israel .
The protexia or Mafia style connection was now in place to have me thrown out in the street with not a shred of concern for my welfare. And I was not informed of these "emergency orders." Had I not stopped by to pick up my bike, all would have been removed to a warehouse where I would have been forced to pay 500 NIS (100 dollars a day). Instead, by luck, I had the truck take my belongings two blocks away where a family had taken me in and offered me two rooms to rent.

The movers had related to me how my wife was physically shaking and crying in despair as her sister kept repeating in her ear: "its all for the best, you will have a fresh start."

Her sister was never divorced. Her sister never sent her children to psychologists for regression and depression due to a broken home.
While her brother made death threats, saying: "I can't wait to dance on your grave." This being said by my son's uncle!

But of less concern for myself, even sadder consequence, there was no concern for my young son.

Can you imagine this young 4-year-old child coming home and seeing that daddy's belongings, all of his clothes, personal effects, pictures on the wall, his home office being stripped bare? Can you imagine what this child thought when he saw the family sign next to the door of the house with his father's first name scratched out from it? I still have that door sign as a reminder of the madness that took place. A sad relic to show my child one day how reckless his mother was.

That this father and thousands like him will not walk quietly away from our children.

Yes - I understand the pain and trauma of disengagement, of what those Jews in Gaza will go through.
They cling onto what they believe is there land and for sure what they know are their homes.

But the difference, they will not be torn away with force from their crying, young children.

My child believes that daddy now is sleeping in his new office. I have tried to explain to him that it is daddy's new home in Israel. But even my young child is not that stupid. For where I write this story is not my home. It is a cold, two room structure. My home remains elsewhere. Where my child plays, dances, eats, sings and gets dressed.

After being evicted my ex-wife then went for the juggler vein. She ran to the Israel Family Court in Kfar Sava with her attorney and complained that I was not a good and loving dad. As a result I was prevented from seeing my child for no more than six hours a week. All this without legal due process, without a court hearing!

Yes, an angry, disturbed mother can do this in the State of Israel under the Israel Family Custodian Act of 1962. With the backing of the Israel family and divorce courts, the police and child welfare.

Today, this mother dumps our child in a kindergarten from 7:30 in the morning to 5:30 in the evening, six days a week.
Why can't this dad provide more quality parenting time in lieu of excessive time spent in a kindergarden?

Do not cry for those Jews who are being torn from their homes in Gaza. For in their disengagement they leave with their children in their arms.

Shed a tear for the thousands of children in Israel who have been torn away from their divorced and separated dads. The victims of gender bias laws still practiced in Israel. For the trauma these children have and will experience.

Over 80 percent of these dads will lose all contact with their children within a few years as they build new lives with a new wife, new children and a new family.

I do not wear the orange ribbon of those who oppose disengagement from Gaza. I wear black as a divorced dad denied joint custody, the basic human rights in seeing and being with my child.

For me, I swear not to lose contact with my son. Rather I will fight till my dying breath to gain equal and healthy access with him. Teaching him, playing, going on trips, laughing, eating and just being a good and loving dad.
But I will always be sleeping in "daddy's new office". And the mother will continue to ignore the trauma, the regression and the tears of a young child who simply yearns for one loving home. Not to be a plastic ping pong ball bouncing every other weekend between parents.

We critically need basic reforms in family law in Israel and we need them today. We need a community which will reject silence and has the courage to speak up for all of our children. A Jewish community which practices "Shalom Biet" - peace in the home - in a Jewish State called Israel.

As I close this letter, I make a plea to each and every person who reads this traumatic, sad story to ask every divorced mom you meet: "does your ex have equal access to his children?"
I ask you to do what I can't tonight.

Hug and kiss your child.

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