Israel Parental Alert : Children and Gaza Disengagement

By Sara Silber M.Sc.Ed
Israel News Agency

Jerusalem----August 15......With the disengagement in Gaza and Israel being implemented this week parents need to be alerted to the psychological dangers that are present in every household in Israel and be advised as to what actions they can take to help their children through this stressful and traumatic national time.

You, as adults who want to be most informed, may have the radio on for a large part of the day and / or be watching lots of news on Israel television. Children should not be exposed to this vast amount of distressing visual imagery which may include police, Israel Defense Forces and right wing extremists beatings, Jews rough-handling Jews, verbal abuse, cages for confinement, and holocaust prison costumes.

These images can cause trauma and result in children having nightmares, becoming irritable, aggressive, and generally frightened. So for one thing, do your Gaza disengagement television news watching when the kids are out of the room and use headphones, if possible.
Do not keep the radio on all the time as general background noise.

Parents need to talk to children about what is going on at a level they can understand.
Parents also need to be available to answer children's' questions, even difficult ones which we find hard to answer even for ourselves. Children can understand that groups of people can have very strongly opposing opinions about what is best for Israel. Here are some possible explanations you can offer. Whether you believe in disengagement or not, you can explain to your children that the Israel government, headed by Prime Minister Sharon, believes and has voted in an open and free democracy that evacuating Gaza and all the Jews from there and giving the land to the Palestinians will bring better hopes for peace and save lives in the long term.

There are a million and a half Arabs there that are draining national resources and the IDF to keep them under control. While Israel is in charge of them we have to provide for their welfare, schools, jobs, hospitals, sanitation, etc. and it is a burden on the country, on our very basic resources needed to survive. We have thousands of missiles to think of pointing at us from Syria and Iran. A much greater threat to our very existence. The Israel government hopes that by giving the Palestinians Gaza, on which they can make their own country, that they will develop themselves, be happy, replace terrorism with commerce and leave Israel in peace.

Other groups believe very strongly the opposite - that giving the land to the Palestinians will make the situation much worse in that the evacuation or disengagement will seriously endanger Israel by Gaza becoming a greater terror nest, thereby increasing terrorism.

You can tell school age children that the people that oppose the government believe that G-d has given us this land to possess, as it is within Biblical borders, and that only he has the authority to give it away, not a flesh and blood Prime Minister or democratically elected government. This opposing group strongly believes that it is against our religion, against our G-d, against our heritage, and against our national security to evict Jews from their homes in the Jewish homeland and to give the land away to the Arabs.

In their intensely strong commitment to our land and to G-d they are resisting the pullout from Gaza and parts of the West Bank with all their heart and soul, in massive demonstrations, in non-aggressive ways, and by refusing to leave the area in order to prevent the forced evacuation from happening. They believe that they are saving the country from a disaster which must be prevented and are willing to get arrested and even get hurt if that is what it takes to prevent it.

Honor and respect your children.
Do not allow TV news or involvement in protests.

The above explanations - the extent of it and the vocabulary - should be adjusted to the age and language level of your children. It is usually best to start by giving a little bit of general information about the disengagement process from Gaza and then ask the child if they have questions and then give more information according to the level of his inquiry.

You can ask children afterwards to tell you what they understood from what you told them. As parents, we do not have to know all of the answers but need to allow our kids voice their anxieties, be good listeners, and provide whatever reassurance we can. We can say that we are anxious ourselves, that we are sensitive to the trauma of the evacuees, that we hear the views of both sides in Israel, that we do not want to see violence, and that we hope and pray that all will act sensibly in this most difficult national drama.

Young children can be encouraged to draw pictures and portray with puppets what they understand is going on. When a child acts out his emotions through art, music, play, or drama it gives the child a feeling of control and makes him less vulnerable and fearful.

Older kids can have a "debate" in their family, where different family members portray the views of opposing sides in Israel and try to persuade the other " team" of their point of view. Asking teenagers what they would be feeling and how would they act if they were soldiers, Gush Katif residents, identifiers, road blockers, Prime Minister Sharon, Rabbis, leaders of Gush Katif settlements, police chiefs, the IDF, etc., can be a good outlet for them to express themselves to parents and reveal how they are perceiving the situation.

Children need to be told that it is normal to feel upset and confused about what is going on.
Parents, by giving legitimacy to your children's distress, providing honest information, giving outlets for expression, and giving extra parental nurturance and attention this week, you will be doing the best you possibly can be doing to minimize the looming potentially damaging psychological effects of this national trauma.

Sara Silber holds a M.Sc.Ed and is a licensed educational psychologist specialist in family and marriage therapist dispute, family and pre post divorce mediator, child and family life skills seminar center in Ra'anana, Israel.
In practice since 1977 and fluent in English and Hebrew.
Sara can be contacted through her Website:
www.israelpsychology.com

Publisher's Note: To all Jewish settlers living in Gaza: Protest legally if you wish. Israel is a democracy which guarantees your right to freedom of speech. But do not break the law. Do not use your children in violent protests. Do not traumatize your children for life. We are not like many Palestinians who dress up their children as suicide bombers or snipers. We are better. We cherish life. We cherish our children's mental and emotional health. Please leave your kids out of protests. You decide what is more important - a photo op or your child's present and future mental well being. The Israel News Agency wishes all Jewish families in Gaza - our brothers - a safe and easy transition to your new homes in Israel. We will never forget the sacrifice you have made for us all. - Joel Leyden Owner / Co-Moderator Israel Children