Israel And Gaza - Fighting Terrorism With Toilet Paper

By Joel Leyden
Israel News Agency

Jerusalem, Israel ---- October 28, 2007 ..... Israel has decided to defend herself against continued, unprovoked Hamas terror Qassam missile attacks by reducing the amount of electricity provided to Gaza by Israel. As Hamas, which has sworn for the total destruction of Israel, has now taken over the Gaza strip and given that Gaza has now been categorized as a "hostile entity" by Israel, Israel is under no obligation to provide any electricity whatsoever.

Dor Alon, the Israeli energy company that sells fuel to Gaza, confirmed it had received instructions from the Israel Defense Ministry to reduce shipments. Israel Defense Minister Ehud Barak approved the plan to begin cutting fuel supplies and electricity to Gaza.

But many other scenarios could follow.

"If we really wanted to hit them below the belt we could stop all supply of toilet paper," said one Israel security analyst.
"The Palestinians are now stockpiling much of their fuel and buying electric generators. And fuel for critical institutions such as hospitals will continue to flow but Hamas will not have electricity to create additional home made Qassam rockets and explosives. And we are now considering an embargo on toilet paper."

The Fatah Association for Rights to Toilet Paper (FART) stated that this would be a serious escalation of the conflict, but embraced the move as they are now at odds against Hamas.

The Canadian Relief Association for Palestine (CRAP) stated that they would join the Palestinian Campaign for the Academic and Cultural Boycott of Israel and the British UCU, the university lecturers’ union, in boycotting toilet paper made in Israel. The Scandinavian Humanitarian Institute for Toilet Paper (SHIT) has already petitioned the United Nations.

Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated this afternoon that he will fire four thousand missiles at Israel if Israel follows through on its promise to curtail toilet paper. "Israel will be wiped off the map, but Gaza will be wiped."

EU Commissioner for External Relations Benita Ferrero-Waldner said the move to cut electricty and toilet paper was a form of "collective punishment."

Speaking at the end of her one day visit to Israel she said that such actions only served to fuel extremism and threatened the success of next month's international meeting between Israelis and Palestinians in Annapolis.

Ferrero-Waldner strongly condemned the Hamas rocket attacks, but at the same time she urged Israel to show restraint at this critical juncture.
"We are very concerned about the implication of cutting fuel deliveries. We think a
deteriorating situation in the Strip would only aggravate the consequences for the local population," Ferrero-Waldner said. "We are clearly not in favor of collective punishment," she added.

Such actions, she said, "would play into the hands of the more radical people who are trying to derail the ongoing negotiations between the parties."

During a heated meeting with Ferrero-Waldner in Jerusalem Israel President Shimon Peres chided her for focusing so heavily on the suffering of the Palestinians without also talking with him about the harm caused to the children of Sderot.

Israel, he told her, had no intention of relinquishing its right to defend its citizens.
Europe has to understand that sanctions, including the use of toilet paper against Hamas in Gaza are a direct result of their attacks against Israel, Peres told her.

Many in the toilet paper industry see a "paper trail" starting to take shape as Iran supplies toilet paper to Syria which is then transported to Hezbollah in Lebanon which is then transferred to Islamic agents in Jordan and then shipped to Egypt. From there thousands of red and green rolls of toilet paper could then be tossed over the Israel security fence or smuggled from Egypt into Gaza through tunnels.

In Washington, a spokesperson for President Bush stated: "This is a situation which the Palestinians created for themselves. They should resolve themselves to sit down behind closed doors and discuss peace and toilet paper."

In Moscow, Putin stated that he would not tolerate such a crime against humanity and warned that he would place his military on alert if the situation worsened. The US could respond by moving its Sixth Fleet off the Gaza coast.

Economists say that this could create a "toilet paper economy" for Hamas. "Where many nations base their currency on gold and silver, Hamas would have to resort to stockpiling thousands of rolls of toilet paper," said a financial analyst. "In order to prevent riots from breaking out and destabilizing the Hamas government in Gaza any further, Hamas might be forced to use Jewish toilet paper."

A spokesperson for GreenPeace called the Israel action a positive one. "Imagine all of the forests which would be saved by such environmental concern. Birds, rabbits, squirrels and deer would not lose their natural homes."

A spokesperson from the newly formed Jewish Interception of Holy Dirt (JIHAD) responded that such action would be irresponsible. "We will replace the logo of the soft cuddly dog on much of toilet paper with the logo of Qassams and Katushas," he said.

A reporter from the Al Jazeera Internet news Web site perhaps sized up the situation best.

"The Israelis can take away the fuel, the Palestinians have reserves that can last for months. And brave Hamas soldiers chanting that 'Allah will provide' can again start to use corn cobs, palm leaves, coconut shells, and water and their left hands, but their wives would never accept such a situation. They would make their lives far more miserable than any Israeli military action. It will be the women of Gaza who will finally take on Hamas.
For them there is no compromise on toilet paper."


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