Father's, Children Rights Activists: "I Never Let Go Of My Child"

By Joel Leyden
Israel News Agency

Jerusalem ---- January 4, 2007..... In reading the morning news today, one headline screamed out louder than the rest. From CNN, the lead story was: Ferry survivor: 'I never let go of my boy'.

This is a real-time true, dramatic story of love between father and child, of bravery and sacrifice. After having drifted over 120 miles in cold, dark, shark infested waters, the first words uttered from a proud and exhausted dad named Suyatno were that he never let go his son Anggi.

The Associated Press story from Indonesia read as follows: "Six-year-old Anggi cried out for his mother after being rescued. But he got no answer. She disappeared in the dark, raging waters when an Indonesian ferry sank in a violent storm, leaving more than 400 people dead or missing. On Wednesday, Anggi and his father, Suyatno, were among 12 people found on an offshore oil rig 120 miles from where the ferry went down last week."

The AP story continued: "Even though I was weak, I never let go of my boy, Suyatno said. They survived for days on dry bread and emergency military rations found drifting in the sea, until they were picked up by a navy ship and brought to the coastal city of Surabaya, where they were rushed to a hospital. Sitting on his father's lap, Anggi cried: "Where is mother, where is mother?" Suyatno could not answer - he had not seen his 27-year-old wife, Jumiati, since she disappeared as the vessel submerged Friday night. Authorities say more than 600 people were on the ferry when it sank after being pounded by waves for 10 hours near the end of a two-day journey from Indonesia's section of Borneo island to the main island of Java. More than 200 people have been found alive so far, most rescued from life rafts or found clinging to debris, said Navy Col. Jan Simamora, the head of the search and rescue mission.

Many divorced and or separated dads could recite the same words: "I never let go of my child."

Full time loving, caring and responsible fathers who have been turned into "visitors" could and can state: "after my ex had me kicked out of my home on charges of sexual harassment, I never let go of my child."

"After my ex rushed to family court complaining that I was dangerous or negligent and obtained a restraining order preventing me from seeing my children, I never let go of my child."

"After paying thousands of dollars for child support and attorneys and being told by the family court that I could not see my child or could have less than equal access, I never let go of my child."

"After social workers at child welfare stated that due to post marital, divorce conflict (which was totally created by my ex) that it would be best that the mother retained full custody and that the father could have one overnight, I never let go of my child."

"After meeting with the mayor of my town and being promised that he would look into charges of gender bias discrimination being practiced by his child welfare department, and no investigation ever took place, I never let go of my child."

"After going on a hunger strike and nearly dying from it to protest gender bias discrimination and a lack of basic human rights not afforded equally to divorced dads and their children, I never let go of my child."

What will it ever take to inform governmental entities such as family court judges, child welfare, the marshal's' office and the offices of the mayor that dads are no less a parent than a female?

Even in light of the latest child and family research performed by the American Psychological Association of divorced parents, which states: "Children from divorced families who either live with both parents at different times or spend certain amounts of time with each parent are better adjusted in most cases than children who live and interact with just one parent, according to new research on custody arrangements and children's adjustment. Psychologist Robert Bauserman, Ph.D., of AIDS Administration/Department of Health and Mental Hygiene in Baltimore, Maryland conducted a meta-analysis of 33 studies between 1982 to 1999 that examined 1,846 sole-custody and 814 joint-custody children."

"The studies compared child adjustment in joint physical or joint legal custody with sole-custody settings and 251 intact families. Joint custody was defined as either physical custody - where a child spends equal or substantial amounts of time with both parents or shared legal custody - where a child lives with primarily one parent but both parents are involved in all aspects of the child's life. This article will appear in the March issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA)."

The APA continued: "Children in joint custody arrangements had less behavior and emotional problems, had higher self-esteem, better family relations and school performance than children in sole custody arrangements. And these children were as well-adjusted as intact family children on the same measures, said Bauserman, "probably because joint custody provides the child with an opportunity to have ongoing contact with both parents." These findings indicate that children do not actually need to be in a joint physical custody to show better adjustment but just need to spend substantial time with both parents, especially with their fathers, said Bauserman."

"Also, joint custody couples reported less conflict, possibly because both parents could participate in their children's lives equally and not spend the time arguing over childcare decisions. Unfortunately a perception exists that joint custody is more harmful because it exposes children to ongoing parental conflict. In fact, the studies in this review found that sole-custody parents reported higher levels of conflict."

Many dads feel as if they too have drifted over 1,000 miles in cold, shark infested waters, clinging onto their children, only to have family court judges, child welfare social workers and the mayors who preside over their child welfare departments, separate father from child as soon as they were taken out of the water.

Illustrations of fathers literally sacrificing their lives for their children are abundant.

Below is yet another heartbreaking story which appeared on the news wires just a few days ago.

"A Ventura, California man drowned Tuesday while rescuing his 4-year-old grandniece, who was knocked off a jetty and into the ocean by a big wave, authorities said. Rough surf was rolling ashore ahead of a Pacific storm approaching Southern California. The girl and her mother were watching big waves when the child was swept away, said Ventura County fire Capt. Barry Parker. Timothy Barry, 54, jumped into the water off Pierpont Beach about 11 a.m. after hearing the girl's mother screaming for help, Parker said. Barry reached the girl and kept her head above water until a surfer arrived and brought her to safety, Parker said. Lifeguards found Barry floating facedown by the time they arrived. "At the time he was pulled out of water, he was not breathing and did not have a pulse," Parker said. About an hour later, police and state lifeguards closed the Ventura Pier, about a quarter-mile away, because 10- to 12-foot waves were slapping its underside, said police Sgt. Jack Richards."

Thousands of divorced dads from Israel, Europe and the US wish to spend more quality time with their children but are alienated from their children and actually discouraged to stop being caring, protective fathers by family courts and child welfare.

Dads who serve in the US military or the Israel Defense Forces who are allowed to carry M-16 assault rifles to protect their nations are not allowed to carry their very own children!

These perverse and destructive acts by family courts, judges and ill informed social workers must come to a swift end. Congressional and parliamentary bodies in the US, England, Europe and here in Israel need to recognize the basic, natural and critical psychological research that children need both parents equally. Family reform bills must be passed into law to stop further bleeding and suffering of separated fathers and their children.

These dads are no less of a parent and no less needed by their children than by those few mothers who use governmental gender bias discrimination as a destructive, power control tool.